One of our finest weddings took place in Krems, Austria, on May Day 2014. Dirty Wedding to the Soil was produced by Donau Fest, a multimedia arts festival. The wedding party included local artists who responded to our call for collaborators, artists invited by the festival organizers, and artists who were already part of the festival, including our very favorite rock star Peaches, and Keith Hennessy, a fantastic performance artist, and our neighbor friend. Keith and Peaches, who met for the first time in our dressing room that morning, decided to improvise together, which became a highlight of the wedding. Keith did movements to a spoken-word piece called “Dirt,” which Peaches had written for the occasion.

Thank goodness our director friend, Joy Brooke Fairfield came with us to Krems, and she directed what turned out to be a pretty intense production. The tone was celebratory, but we also did not gloss over Austria’s Nazi past. Tobaron Waxman (our cantor for White Wedding to the Snow) reminded all of us to think about whose blood had been spilled on the soil where this wedding was taking place, recalling World War II atrocities as well as highlighting recent incidents of anti-Semitism. We invited everyone to make vows to the Soil with us and passed around two hundred rings our Boulder Creek neighbor had made for us from brown-fired clay.

The Soil Wedding reception was in a garden a few blocks away from the wedding venue. A fantastic, tall maypole, constructed for us by the festival team, was festooned with colored ribbons and attached to the head of a double bed filled with soil. Three women playfully hugged the maypole as they were bound to it with ribbons. Our guests wove these ribbons together in the maypole dance. It was delightfully kinky, colorful, and fun all at once. We consummated our vows to the Soil by rolling around naked kissing the dirt and each other. We got really dirty.

To view, our beautiful Wedding program and full credits click here.

This wedding performance was curated by Johanna Tuukkanen into her annual ANTI— Contemporary Art Festival in Finland, which has presented some of the world’s most exciting performance artists. It took place on September 30, 2012, on the Queen R, an old wooden tour boat. Our ceremony was officiated by Emma McNairy, our gorgeous, gifted, and beloved opera singer friend. As usual, we asked for no material gifts but invited people to help create the wedding. Even so, as part of the ceremony, we received two material gifts that we still cherish. A group of textile art students presented us with a traditional Finnish wedding rug that resembled a waterfall. They had woven it from men’s ties. Another group caught a big fish in Lake Kallavesi, which they ate. They then dried the head, which had incredibly sharp teeth, making it look like a kind of prehistoric creature, and gifted us this fish skull. Other performances included one about how much water it takes to make a piece of paper. There were traditional wedding dances and songs. Emma sang our vows as an aria.

To consummate our vows with the Lake we jumped from the side of the boat into the frigid waters wearing nothing but our custom airbrushed shorty wetsuits designed by Sarah Stolar. When Annie landed in the water, goldfish crackers floated out of net pouches attached to her bra to feed the fish, an idea from Linda Montano. After enjoying a few minutes in our Lake-lover’s wet arms, we swam around to the ladder on the back of the boat. We were pulled aboard and were given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by Justin Credible, who had served as our master of ceremonies for the Purple Wedding to the Appalachian Mountains, and Cassils, one of our favorite artists, who was performing their own work at the festival. We still feel forever bonded and connected to Lake Kallavesi, in spite of its being a long-distance relationship.

To view, our beautiful Wedding program and full credits click here.

We really wanted to do something special with our friends, something local, and we love the Sun. So at 6 a.m., an hour before sunrise, on December 11, 2011, we gathered together with our beloved San Francisco community on top of Bernal Hill. Fortunately for us, Katy Bell, the producer of San Francisco’s Dada Festival and a porn clown, volunteered to be our production manager. She somehow managed to cajole us, and our sleep- friends, and collaborators to the Hill and into place in the pre-dawn darkness. Once we were awake, we unfurled a very long silk ribbon and asked everyone to hold on to it as we led a procession around Bernal Hill. We watched the Sunrise over the East Bay. Then we all climbed up to the crest of the hill and reveled in the stunning 360-degree view of San Francisco.

The two of us were the brides, masters of ceremonies, and the officiants. Joseph Kramer was our lead groom. Many of our friends attended this wedding as witnesses, performers, and supporters. Even artist Linda M. Montano joined us by astral projection. As the ritual began, we applied thick, white sunscreen to everyone’s noses. Neighbors strolled and walked their dogs nearby while we performed. Sadie Lune, who had been trying to get pregnant, laid a raw egg on the ground, which she then cracked to display a golden yellow yolk, glittering in the morning sun. Tony’s Circus played live and sang “Here Comes the Sun.” Mariko Passion’s Conscientious Objector performance was a reenactment of the 2011 UC Davis police tear-gassing of peaceful student protesters. Lady Monster performed a sunrise burlesque routine roasting marshmallows on sticks with her flaming tassels, which she then fed to wedding guests. The ritual closed with Good Vibrations CEO Jack Strano’s moving rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” Theater director Rudy Ramirez flew in from Austin, Texas, and did our homily, a piece he wrote and performed called “Happy Endings.” By the end of the wedding, the Sun was burning bright.

To view, our beautiful Wedding program and full credits click here.